Help! I think I am being bullied!
Children believe that bullying ends when you leave school – but adults know better. We all know people who have been bullied. Many of us have experienced adult bullying ourselves. Unlike school, adults rarely have a trusted teacher to turn to for help.
It can be a shock when it starts to happen to us! It takes a while to realise that we have been picked out for special treatment by a bully. Could you tell if it was happening to you?
Anyone can be a victim of bullying
Bullying behaviour is complicated and infinitely variable. Like the Hydra, you can cut off one opportunity for bullying, just to see two new ones develop! Many companies feel powerless to intervene, so employees with very real complaints find themselves coping alone. Few people work in an environment where bullying is tackled before things get out of hand.
People likely to be targeted by bullies are the ones least equipped to deal with it. Bullies are experts at identifying who can stick up for themselves, who can be undermined, and who can be dominated. Many factors cause and maintain bullying, but the one that really matters is how potential victims react to challenge. Bullying can be physical, mental or practical, but essentially it works by causing emotional damage. Bullies are emotional terrorists. They gain control through the domination of vulnerable individuals. People who cope with challenge well are less likely to be bullied.
It’s not the fault of the victim!
If you find yourself being bullied, it is not your fault!
People who blame victims for being ‘oversensitive’ and ‘making a fuss’ are wrong. Laying blame is pointless and unhelpful. Support and assistance in dealing with the problem are what is needed. Victims require reassurance and help. An intervention with the bully is the only real and lasting solution. Realistically this is rare, and people being victimised find themselves coping alone.
Surviving Bullying – a problem focused coaching course
The Surviving Bullying course was developed for individuals in this situation . The course quickly develops understanding, skills and strategies to deal with the problem. Three hours of face to face coaching withHelen Campbell, an experienced emotional intelligence coach, can really help. Clients learn a range of skills that underpin emotional intelligence. These skills give them the ability to take back control. They will work with Helen to develop strategies to stay safe, limit damage, care for themselves and make changes that put them in a better situation.
Clients are in a better position afterwards than they were before the event. They are motivated to find a better role, or on occasion, the way they dealt with the issue was recognised and rewarded by their employers. Sadly they usually move away from their current role, but most clients come out of the process stronger, wiser, and with the skills to ensure that this never happens to them again.
Accessing help
Information on Surviving Bullying and application forms are available here on the Campbell Education website. The cost of the three hour coaching package at the time of publication is £300 (May 2021). Clients must be accepted and registered prior to booking. Applicants may have to wait, but bullying applicants take priority and urgent cases should contact the office for guidance.
Emotional Intelligence and emotional coping skills – the secret to resisting bullying
Bullies are not emotionally intelligent – but they do have the animal ability to identify emotional pain. They react with visceral satisfaction when they cause it. Bullies use the threat of victimisation to control the people around them. Observers are often too scared of being the next victim to object. The more ingrained the pattern becomes, the worse the abuses become. Nobody deserves to be exposed to this and it does not generate profitable business.
Bullies are not concerned by the negative consequences of what they do. If you want to change their behaviour, you have to change the outcomes. You need to be more emotionally intelligent than they are.
Make a difference
Bullying can affect us all, even if we are not the one in the firing line. If you want to learn, the Surviving Bullying course can help you too. It teaches a range of skills that can transform your understanding of the emotional world. These are the foundations of emotional intelligence; the difference between success and failure in many areas of life. Having them in your toolkit can only help in your working career and in your private life. With your sophisticated understanding of bullying, anyone who tries to make you a victim will be disappointed.
Anyone considering a career in management will gain from undertaking coaching. Surviving Bullying can be used for CPD and funded by an employer without fear of breaching your privacy; all coaching is confidential.
The price of failure
Deep, personal wounds caused by bullying last a lifetime, but personal suffering is not the only damage done. Bullying at work shuts down individuals who are victimised. It can also affect an entire department. People living with bullying struggle to think, feel, perceive and understand. Their learning, problem solving and creativity are impaired. Social cohesion and team working are damaged. Disaffection, loss of trust and disengagement soon follow. Unresolved bullying is one of the most common reasons that people leave their jobs. It can lead to serious mental health issues and ultimately, to suicide. There are no winners, but the cost of failure is simply too high to ignore.
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